The perils of flying pt2

18 Feb

As a modern tyrannosaur, I am no stranger to air travel. Avid readers will note that I am particularly sensitive during flight, given the lack of suitable seating options for the generously proportioned rex.

 

While I find flying a less than comfortable affair, I do make concessions for parents with young children (similarly, I am also quite tolerant of L-plate drivers). We were all young rexes once upon a time, and it seems quite unreasonable to expect younglings to conduct themselves in an adult manner when their ears are popping and their nappies are full of digested cerapods.

 

So when I heard the news today that a puny human (his first two names are Joe Rickey – you can’t make this stuff up!) in the US slapped a baby for crying (racially vilified the little thing too, just for good measure), I was taken aback. Rather than dive into a rage about why this is wrong (if it’s not blatantly obvious, you should probably stop reading), I thought I’d take a more positive bent, and look at something society can do to curb such, well, fucked behaviour.


The genius of my idea knows no bounds. It is simplicity itself and would be excruciatingly easy to implement. You see, despite living in a supposedly egalitarian society (we don’t by the way), when we step onto a plane we enter into a strict class environment. Even on a quick jump from, say, Sydney to Canberra, passengers are segregated into business or economy class. All I propose is adding another class: “No class”.

 

Ticket prices would not differ from economy, and allocation of passengers into “No class” would be done by an erudite referee (preferably someone with oversized canines and a penchant for order).  Any objections would be met with swift and bloody reprisal. The skulls of objectors would then be placed on the horns of ceremonial triceratops at the gate to serve as a warning to other passengers.

 

Now I know that segregation is a touchy subject, but as I watch Invictus, I am reminded of a simple honest truth: In the end, segregation leads to winning rugby teams, and with the impending Lions tour, I think we can safely say that “No class” can’t come soon enough!

 

T

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